|Time Will do the Talking
||[Nov. 24th, 2006|07:06 pm]
Title:Time Will do the Talking|
Prompt: Time will do the talking, years will do the walking
I’ll just find a comfy spot and I’ll wait it out
Time will do the talking, years will do the walking
Time will tell you, baby, what you can’t hear now.
Just look at you, Benny. God, look at you lying there in that hospital bed, with all those tubes in you, hooked up to all those machines. You look so... broken.
But it's not because of the machines and the tubes and the bandages. It's not even because of my bullet in your back. Yes, I shot you, I'm the one that put you in the hospital; but I'm not the one that broke you. Victoria did that.
I see you lying in that hospital bed and it tears me up inside. I know your body will heal, God granted me that small grace, but it’s not your body healing that I’m worried about anymore.
I see the person lying in that bed, and I don’t know who he is. The man who looked at the world with such hope and positive energy, always looking for and finding the best in everything and everyone, even after all that had been done to him, is gone. He’s gone, and I can barely recognize the man who has taken his place.
You have no light in your eyes any more, no hope, no eagerness, no... anything. I used to be able to know what you were thinking and feeling just by looking in your eyes. When I look now, I don’t see anything, it’s like looking at a blank slate. It’s like Victoria took your soul and spirit with her when she left. Maybe that’s what she wanted all along.
The Benny I know is gone, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get him back again.
God, Benny, how could you think that was love? I know you aren’t exactly the most experienced person in that area, but you can’t really think that’s what love is supposed to be.
Victoria didn’t love you, Benny. You can’t really love someone and set out to destroy them like that.
It makes me sick to think that you gave your love to her. She doesn’t deserve your love.
God, I want to help you so much, but you won’t let me near you right now. You’re pushing me away, but I understand that, and I can’t even say that I blame you. You’re mad at me, you’re mad at yourself, you’re mad at Victoria.
I know you’re feeling guilty too, Benny, but you need to let go of that, maybe even more than you need to let go of your anger. God, don’t you know I’ve already forgiven you? I forgave you the minute my bullet hit you. Hell, I forgave you when I saw you running down the platform after the train.
I know you didn't set out to hurt me, to damage me or my family. You made a huge mistake, a really horrible decision. It's called being human, Benny, everyone screws up their lives now and then. Welcome to being just like the rest of us. I can help you through that too, if you'll let me.
I'd help you through anything. Through everything. Because I'll tell you a secret, Benny. I'm in love with you. And you want to know another secret? You're in love with me, too.
I know you are, I can tell, even if you can't, or you just won't let yourself know it or admit it yet.
Do you have any idea how good I can be for you? Or how good you could be for me? I know you probably believe that you can’t ever be good for anyone, but you can be. You are. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Benny. The best thing that will ever happen again.
It was fate that you walked into the holding cell that day. I mean come on, think about it, we’re perfect for each other. Two people who won’t let anyone truly get close to them, who are looked at as misfits and screw ups, who don’t or won’t really fit in.
But we found each other, didn’t we Benny? We found each other and right from the start we fit. We got close to each other despite ourselves. We understand each other, and put up with each other, and help each other. You make my life better; and I know I make yours better too.
I know you don’t want anything to do with emotions or anything even remotely like love right now, and that’s okay. I can wait. I’m a patient man.
I can just see your look at that last statement. That patented Fraser look, head titled to the side, one eyebrow raised, skepticism written all over your face. And what I wouldn’t pay to see that look right now.
But it’s true, Benny. When it’s something important, when it’s something that really matters, I can have the patience of a saint. And this is the most important thing in my life. It matters more than anything.
So go ahead, Benny, take all the time you need. Grieve for that evil bitch if that’s what you have to do, mourn what you lost, take time to deal with the fact that you’re actually human, that you have flaws, that you’re going to stumble and even fall flat on your face sometimes.
I’ll be here the whole time, waiting patiently. I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you, take care of you, let you take things out on me and treat me like garbage if that’s what it takes to get my Benny back.
And one day, when Victoria’s poison is completely gone from your system, you’ll look at me and see what is really meant to be. You’ll see the love that I have had for you for so long, and you’ll finally see the love that you have for me. And then our lives can truly begin.
So go ahead, Benny. Take your time. I can wait.